I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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