I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
