i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
