I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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