she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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