My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
