Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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