Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
