Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize