dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
