Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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