Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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