i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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