I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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