you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
