And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize