I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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