How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
