Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
