I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
