We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
