he puts the penis in happiness.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
