Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
