You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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