I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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