well I can't set my house on fire every night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
