There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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