Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
