in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
