and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
