I have demons in me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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