Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
