why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
