Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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