Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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