RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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