Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
