this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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