we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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