if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
