I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
