I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
