I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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