Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
