Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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