where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
