She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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