Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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