let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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