I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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