I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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