The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
