WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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