I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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