I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
