I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
