Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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