we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
