Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize