Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
