Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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