Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
