My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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