im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
