It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The uberlube is also flammable
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize