Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
