so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
