how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
